Less than a month and a half to go

As the end of this non-drinking year draws near I've began thinking about drinking again. No, I don't mean drinking now, but next year. What can/will I drink, how much will I drink, when. There is no way I will never have alcohol again, and a certainty that I'll reintroduce it to my diet Jan 1, but definitely, yes definitely, it will be in moderation. The thing is, I'm a little scared of drinking again. I'm scared of:

• Hangovers. I saw my lovely other half go through one the other day, and I have many, many memories of awful hangovers I've given myself. Yes they can be avoided by drinking in moderation but even sometimes a bad wine or a little too much (2.5 glasses instead of 2) tipsmyou over into hangover territory. It's not only that I can't afford to take a day off anymore, but I just hate the pain, the headaches, the nausea.

• My Health, or people's aspersions about my health. Most specifically it is my Dr and rheumie's idea of my health. I feel like it was only when I stopped drinking that the persistent health issues were taken seriously. Now I know that this wasn't the case at all, and it just needed time for the diagnosis to be confirmed, but it felt like eliminating one possible factor meant something. I know moderate drinking can be part of a healthy lifestyle, and goodness knows that not drinking didn't help my weight problems one iota, but I just can't seem to stop this lingering doubt. I really should stop worriyng about other people's perceptions.

• My Health Pt 2 - I'm now on medication and feeling but better than I was. And alcohol doesn't really interact with it, so there are no problems there but I am still scared. Scared that it will interact, or that it might make me sick, or that I'll turn green with purple polkadots.

• Forgetting my limit. I had a bit of an issue with this in the past. It wasn't that I had to drink to get drunk or anything, it was more that I just got caught up in the social aspect of it all. No, not drinking games or the like, just having fun with friends over a drink or two would turn into 3 drinks, 4 drinks, another bottle and before I knew it I'd gone beyond giggly and was going to feel it the next day. I know my limit, I know when to stop, but I know me, and I know I get easily carried away when I'm happy and in a social situation.

But these are just fears, and I have a lot of stupid fears in life. They're phobias really, some common (spiders, heights, snakes) while others are rather strange (darleks, though that's somewhat cured, telephones, conversations that is, and making calls not the objects themsevles, and people brushing their teeth - that's a real doozy.) I can't let fear rule my life. And there are good things to drinking too. I'm convinced it will help relax me and ease my headache. That's just as irrational as my fears, but it is a positive delusion. Hopefully in the next few months I can overcome these silly fears and become the balanced drinker I know that I can be.