Still hanging in there

Still hanging in there 4 and a half months. I'd blog more is uni hadn't screwed things up with stupid new gmail accounts which wont let me run email and blogger at the same time. I've tinkered with the settings and it worked for, oh, 1 minute, then went south. When I get over my lazy and learn to log in and out of things with ease then I'll blog more. But on with the non-drinking show ... in the last months these are the things I've noticed:

1. I have an awfully large amount of dreams where I stuff up and drink alcohol during this year, a lot, I mean like a few nights a week usually. They include panic, then denial and bargaining, all stages and processes of loss. What does this symbolise? Fear of failure? I know dreams where your teeth fall out mean you are scared of what people think of you, and I used to have these a lot. Am I really worried about failing at this task, or another task? Thoughs?

2. I sometimes nearly do stuff up without thinking, and have nearly taken a sip out of a cooking wine/cider bottle! It's not intentional, it's just habit (bad habit I know, usually I only swig AFTER I've opened it and used it in cooking.) It is sometimes due to over tiredness because I am working stupid hours. I reach in, grab a bottle and go to open it before realising it is cider not soft drink or something else. These aren't alcoholic beverages I buy, they're just left there from having people over. I won't deny my friends the pleasure of drinking when at my house, but I guess I need to take a little more care.

3. Does eating home-cured fish count as drinking? I wanted to do my usual vodka beetroot cured salmon for a special someone but debate sprung up about whether this fit the parameters of the trial. Thoughts?

4. My bf made beer cake. He liked it, others liked it, and it was interesting, but really wasn't my cup of tea (or beer or cake). It is probably because I really don't like beer.

5. Easter = top shelf French champagne, D'Arenberg winery and much much much temptation. I did not budge, though I have developed a disturbing habit where if it is the good stuff I need to grab a smell. It looks wierd, and desperate, and I hate doing it, but it gives me the memory of the drinking without the drinking.

6. See point 5, it is food for thought. Does it show I'm still not in control of my drinking? (obviously the abstinence approach is taking some control, but it is total control?) Old me would have downed as much of that champagne as I could. Would I still do that once this year is out? Is the need to still get a smell of the top shelf champagne a symbol of me wanting to involve myself in the drinking ritual? It isn't drinking, but it is getting myself within proximity of the drinking culture.

Ok back to work.